Surviving the Dark Night of the Soul | Carlos’ Experience
Written by
- Carlos Barraza
- Personal Development, Spirit
If you are reading this, it might be because you have already survived the Dark Night of the Soul, or a loved one is undergoing a deep and harsh moment.
You are already on the spiritual path of the search for answers and on how to keep developing and growing your soul.
And, I don’t want to put that this experience is all flowers and marvelous, because undergoing the dark night of the soul is an extremely difficult moment, specially for the mind, were unfortunately, there are a few people who actually take their life.
Good news is that going through a dark night of the soul will not last forever.
It is part of the regenerational growth proccess and call of the soul to become a new person.
Keep reading to get some tips that have helped me and might help you as well in your spiritual journery, specially if you have or are currently experiencing a dark night of the soul.
Exploring the Concept of Dark Night of the Soul
In spirituality, the term of Dark Night of the Soul was written by St. John of the Cross.
In his poem and at his style, St. John of the Cross describes the feeling of the dark night of the soul, and how this experience helps the soul connect with God.
The poem can be found here.
In my opinion, one phrase that mentions St. John of the Cross and it makes plenty of sense of the connection between masculine and femenine energy that I felt is the following:
¡Oh noche que juntaste amado con amada, amada en el amado transformada!
Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover, Lover transformed in the Beloved!
For me, during my Dark Night of the Soul, I sensed inside me what some people call a Kundalini Energy, and certainly for me it felt like an “energy” going up and down my spine.
Some symbols of this energy are represented as femenine and masculine energy, where as getting through the dark night of the soul will help both energies connect, just as St. John mentions in his poem.
For me. to describe the concept of Dark Night of the Soul, I will say that is the moment when the soul screams to the ego for freedom. That there should be a renewal of the character that it is being played, in order to find a new balance of these two, soul and ego.
Is it the mind? Is it the soul or the ego? The Shadow? I am not a psychiatrist like Carl Jung to use specific terms, but certainly there is a clash going on between the soul and ego.
Some may commonly name as well the Dark night of the Soul as spiritual depression, spiritual crisis, or even a psychotic break down.
Dealing with Intense Feelings of Hopelessness before the Spiritual Awakening
How I dealt with the feelings that “everything is meaningless”?
Well, it was a complicated moment for me and the friends that were around me, because no one, not even the priest, knew what was going on with me that day of my spiritual awakening.
Internally, I was “mentally switching” between me and an alter ego, as I had to “disappear my self – Carlos” in order to “fullfill a mission”.
This moment generated great confussion on the people that were around me, therefore as time passed, mentally I was in a altered state of consciousness, but for the people outside they did not knew what was going on so they called to the paramedics.
Just as a side note story, my Dark night of the Soul experience, showed me failures on the german medical system. The paramedics in Germany won’t take a person to a hospital unless the person threats someone or threats his or her own life, nor they are prepared for people undergoing spiritual experiences. As I was not doing any of both, (in “my spiritual trip” I was talking about religion and acting as Jesus), therefore I was not being taken to the hospital, and until I acted and grabbed a spoon and simulated that I was “stabbing” myself, still the paramedics were just there, and until I grabbed a knife and also acted as stabbing myself, finally they moved and stopped me. I was taken to a mental health hospital, there I experience the rest of my Dark Night of the Soul, and a moment of “my crucifixion” and “my illuminations”.
The phase of Ego Death and Dark Night of the Soul, in my experience, happened together, and in order to disappear that feeling of hopelesness “the ego has to die”.
That is why some people describe that during their experience, some have a feeling of “dying”, where in reality it is the illusion what actually dies.
I don’t know if it is the mind, or the observer inside, or the soul, but during this awakening process, a new state of consciousness arises.
When facing the Dark Night of the Soul, is a moment of remaining strong and turn the breakdown into breakthrough.
In ancient mythology, specially in indigenous groups in Mexico, the folk tales mentioned that people visited the “Mictlan” or “Hell” and some were able to leave it. In modern times, I can say that visiting a mental health hospital would be a similar symbol, where some are able to rise and leave “hell”. It was a matter of surrender to God what is lived during the Dark Night of the Soul, and resist what the outside world is bringing, specially for the cases that end up in the so called mental health clinics where it seems that need to be renewed and include spiritual experiences and treat them as such, otherwise it will misguide the spiritual growth process.
For some people the Dark Night of the Soul extends for over a long period of time, where for me it it was a period of intense emotions in one night.
Some say that God is the one that fills you up and disappear that sense of hopelessness.
In my opinion, this spiritual experiences makes one finally realize that a part of God is inside of each of us, and we realice it specially if the Pineal Gland is activated during this experience.
For the things that one can’t control, one surrender and let go.
Over time, that emptiness and void is filled up with the self-care and love that one gives to him or herself.
Relation between the period of intense Depression and the Dark Night of the Soul
The issue that happens, is that “modern medicine” might name the Dark Night of the Soul as “depression” and that people has to take pills in order to recover, when in reality, the soul has been screaming to be free and to become a new version of the self.
To become a new version that is aligned to a new purpose that fulfills the person with joy, happiness and love, despite what challenges might arise with this new character.
As well, one critic I do, not just to the medical system, but also to the spiritual community, is the attempt to label things and just pointing one single solution for either the “mental issue” or “spiritual issue”, where for me in reality there is a mix of the elements between the body, the mind and the spirit that are the ones driving the person to have a dark night of the soul that seems like a depressive state.
Besides the emotional aspects I was living in that time, I was also facing the situation of not being able to find balance to an Autoimmune Disorder, named Hashimoto.
My experience helped me to learn that it should be taken into consideration the physical aspects and the impact of food on the brain, such as the inflammation that Gluten and Sugar have in the gut, the thyroid and also the brain.
There is a strong relation between what we eat, the gut and the brain, and if we don’t also analyze it as part of the depressive state we are in, then the full puzzle won’t be solved.
How to Navigate and get out of the Dark Night of the Soul
My Dark Night of the Soul was during the lent of 2020, and more than just a day of “nightmare” that can cause the feeling that “everything is falling apart”, I now considered it as an inflection point and opportunity for growth.
I spent 9 weeks at the mental health hospital, even though I was mentally ok and back to the self,
How did I get through a dark night of the soul that ended up like that?
At the moment of this article, almost 4 years later, I feel healthier, I am becoming more rich as I decided to take the entrepreneurial path and even I can say that I look younger and more handsome, all this mainly because this is the new mindset and new path I am developing.
Is this change for better due to the effect of the rise of Kundalini energy within me?
Is it due to the chemicals and antioxidants that are released after a pineal gland activation, just as Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about in his book Supernatural?
Certain I am, that the drastic change was the right one for me. It was the right decision to leave the life that I was building in Germany, to return home and start over again, and might sound cliché, but it was starting again now from experience.
What I have done to have "life improvements" after my Dark Night of the Soul?
There are a series of things that have helped me along this years after my spiritual awakening experience.
And I can not say that just one thing was the key to move on to a better self, it is the sum of all factors that are adding up and helping me on this spiritual awakening journey.
As I mentioned earlier, the body, the mind and the spirit have their own areas to be taken care of, and if one is not fully attended, the person might not finds its full balance.
I went with conventional doctors, and I talked about my spiritual experience, but it did not really worked out, as such experiences are not really taught to them.
I found a functional medicine doctor in Mexico, who has a more holistic approach to health care, and also considers that to heal, the root causes of any disease need to be addressed in order to move forward on the healing journey.
I talked about my spiritual experience with the functional doctor, which in a certain point he understood and did not set it as not important. He actually listened, which is key as well, to have a support group or person who actually listens.
In a summary I have done the following.
General Healing Tips in the Spiritual Journey
Yes, you can also put an end to your Dark Night of the Soul. Day by day, making steps towards a new direction, just as I am doing.
Following up I share my general healing tips.
Remember that there are different areas to take care of.
Each and every person has his or her own unniqueness and what might have helped me, might be different for you.
Yes, what current popular spiritual teachers like Echkart Tolle, Saddghuru, Deepak Chopra talk about the Dark Night of the Soul will help, but it important to remember to take care in detail of different “root causes” that need to be addressed.
For the body factor
To heal the autoimmune disorder, it was important to find from lab tests how the hormones were, and we found that Pregnenolone, a pre-hormone that helps to develop other hormones, was really low. With the functional medicine, I focused on healing the gut with vitamins like L-glutamine, and adding foods like Bone Broth. I was also taking some other vitamins like Vitamin D and Vitamin B.
Also, I changed the brand of the thyroid pills levothyroxine from Eutirox to Karet and even reduced the dose that I was taking from 100mg to 35mg. Conventional doctors medicate without actually addressing first some other issues, and they “play by the book” and normally in thyroid issues, they prescribe based on weight, age and gender. I also eliminated autoimmune triggering foods like Gluten, Orange and Egg, this was based on a blood lab test. I also reduced the intensity of the workouts to keep as well stress levels low.
- Do blood lab tests on different aspects to search for nutritional defficiencies (Vitamin D, Vitamin B, Zinc, Calcium levels etc) or surplus of sugar, LDL, HDL cholesterol etc.
- Address nutritional defficiencies
- Seek out with a food sensitivity test for food allergies such as Gluten, Diary, Eggs, Corn, Sugar.
- Include whole and healing foods (Kiwi, Ginger, Cilantro, Spirulina, Curcumin, Mango, Cucumber, Walnuts, Peacans, Pumpkin Seeds, Chia Seeds, Kefir, Greek Yogurt, Papaya, Banana, Coconut)
- Eliminate or reduce proccessed foods.
- Juicing therapy. (Green Juice, Beet, Carrot, Apple Juice, or find a mix of , Natural fruit or vegetable juices)
- Add supplements according to your needs.
- Check thyroid labs (T3, T4, TSH, T3 inverse), autoimmune anitbodies labs (TPO, TGAB) and hormone labs (Pregnenolone)
- If a doctor is going to give you any sort of medication, start from lower dose and adjust accordingly. (Medication is generally just a "Band-Aid" to a support a body issue, but it is not what it will fully help to heal the body)
- Grounding and time in nature.
- Find optimal level of excercise that don't over stress the body, but good enough to keep a healthy weight.
- Sleep
For the mental factor
I was not taking and medicament. Usually and unfortunately, conventional doctors want to label anything as a “disease” when in reality there are normal human experiences that heal by their own. Activities like journaling, meditating, spending time in nature and finding out moments that can help reduce stress is an important factor that will help the mind.
Every day activities, the family, friends, relationships add up to stress, and there could be situations that can affect a person’s mood, or rise up senses of anxiety, happinness, sadness, anger, joy or any other feeling, but it is part of the human experience. Doing a personal development course helped me to be ordered in my personal goals planning. Listening to audiobooks as well on the topics of spiritual awakening, personal development, wealth creation, have also helped me to develop a new mindset, that eventually also have helped me on my emotional well-being and also on my finances.
- Stress relief activities: Reading, going for a walk, listening music, dancing
- Nature / animal work
- Talking therapy
- Journaling
- Spotting and understanding own subconscious patterns
- Shadow work and integrating the suppressed emotions to be channeled into new form of energy such as creative arts or creative work
- Dedicating time to heal childhood emotional traumas
- Hashimoto and Thyroid Issues are psychological related to being unable to express oneself, and talk onself truth, therefore focusing on expressing such emotions and not suppressing them is important.
- Understand sickness as an invitation to change, evolve, grow and heal, similar to the point of view of the German New Medicine.
For the spiritual factor
I have kept my prayers. Being raised on a christian catholic have certainly created a mold around spirituality, but after my spiritual awakening I have realized that for having that union with God, there is no real need to be part of a religious community. Yes, a community can help, but one can also simply live his or her own spirituality from within. For me, the layer of being religious has changed. New spiritual concepts come up to the surface after these experiences, just like the concept of Dark Night of the Soul.
But this is not really taught inside church, or at least I didn’t learn them. I was not taught about how to navigate and get through a dark night of the soul in church, I eventually learned it the hard way from experience. Being thankful with the Universe/God/Consciousness also helps day by day. As well, I started to notice more and more angel numbers and synchronicities like 111, 222, 333, etc. I did searched for the meaning everytime, but eventually I was just thankful for it.
- Practicing gratitude
- Acknowledging that a higher power, God/The Universe/The Greater Consciousness/ The Source, is already guiding us towards healing
- Practice own spiritual prayer. (In my opinion, regardless of religion, they can lead towards connecting with God
- Spiritual prayers for healing ancestral trauma
- Developing an attitude of not self identifying with the mind, and knowing how to merge and balance the spirit, the mind and the body
- Understanding that everything is connected.
- Angels follow you in your healing path and guide you in the form of synchronicities.
- Find out about chakra blockages and work towards it.
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